I Know
by EyesWideClosed
Summary: Sirius is frustrated and confused. Remus is quietly furious. Something has to give. RLSB.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except the hypothetical situation that to my knowledge did not occur in the HP books. If I owned HP there would be a lot more than just brotherly affection between Remus and Sirius ;)

**Rated: **T to be safe, it probably doesn't deserve it though

"Lily's pregnant"

"I know"

"… James told you?"

"I was outside. You could hear the two of you going at it from down the street"

The dark haired man turned away from the crescent moon, newly risen and replenishing much like his scarred friend should be. He should be at home in bed and instead he was here. He couldn't find it within himself to feel guilty though, he needed this, "Why are you here?"

The taller man's face remained impassive, "You know why I'm here Padfoot," He cocked his head, "Would you prefer it was James?"

Sirius was silent for a moment, "We both know he wouldn't come."

"Do we?" Remus' tone was coaxing and soft with a hard edge that betrayed the werewolf's own feelings of anger. Sirius winced almost unperceptively; the guilt began to surface now.

"Yes."

Remus was silent, studying the brunette carefully for any signs of real emotion behind the carefully constructed aristocratic mask. Sirius avoided the intrusive gaze in favour of the moon once more and Remus sighed, "And here I was thinking I was the only one with a penchant for moon watching"

Sirius smiled softly, no more than a quirk of the lip, "You would, arrogant berk"

He felt Remus move, nothing more than a subtle shift in the thickness of the night air and come to stand beside him, "Yes well, we can't all be as humble and courteous as the great Sirius Black"

The tone was mocking and light- friendly and Sirius welcomed it and let it soothe his guilt like a balm. He had more than one thing to feel guilty about tonight.

They stood in a comfortable silence borne out of many years of friendship despite the tension between them. Out of the corner of his eye Sirius studied his friend's scarred face in the moonlight. He wouldn't pretend to be surprised that it was Remus who came after him after he left the Potters. He was always the one who came after them, any of them when they needed him to, for no other reason than he could be exactly who you needed him to be when you needed it. If you needed a swift kick up the ass for being a moron, he'd give it to you without hesitation and without remorse. If you needed a shoulder to cry on and soothing words of comfort he would take you in his arms, casting aside the unspoken rules of manly camaraderie. Or if, like Sirius, you needed someone to be straight with you, he wouldn't hesitate, which is why the werewolf's next words didn't surprise him and if their frankness made him cringe he didn't show it.

"You're a selfish git Sirius Black"

The other man paused for a deliberate moment to let the statement resonate in the air around them and between them. Sirius welcomed the pain and the accompanying relief that came along with the statement. It felt like penance.

"Your refusal to acknowledge change has had you sink to an abhorrent level and I honestly never expect you of all people to ever get that low"

He paused, not to consider his words, but to marinate in them, Sirius thought, "Things change Sirius. James got married and he's going to have a baby. I'm thrilled, Peter's thrilled," He looked over at Sirius sharply, something like betrayal burning in their golden depths, but not quite and suddenly the lack of space between them was stifling, "_You _should be thrilled, but instead you're lashing out at Lily, the last person that deserves your ire, _especially _in her current condition."

He stared Sirius down and the animagus squashed the urge to whine pitifully, "What did you think James would do when you _threatened _his wife? Did you expect him to side with you? We aren't at Hogwarts anymore Sirius, you aren't calling Lily names and pulling her pigtails. You're messing with James' _family. _ You're playing with fire here Sirius with your petty games and your ultimatums and I don't think you see whose getting burnt"

Remus continued to look him straight in the eyes, his words like barbs and didn't hesitate, "Or more likely," His tone was ice, his words scouring as they burnt their way through him, "You just don't care who you hurt."

Remus stared him down, the set of his mouth unforgiving and eyes hard as cut diamonds.

"Tell me, when did you stop caring Padfoot?" Sirius ducked his head in shame, but couldn't supress the choked sob that escaped, too loud in the oppressive silence that followed Remus' heavy words. The werewolf didn't wane under the weight of his friend's pain. He continued on relentlessly, "When did you stop caring about anyone but yourself?"

The questions were mocking and rhetorical, but Sirius still tried to answer, "I didn't-

Remus cut him off coldly, "Did you know that whilst you were off wallowing in self-pity this summer that Peter had to be taken to St. Mungos because someone tried to poison his firewhiskey?"

At Sirius' shocked expression Remus' eyes darkened, "He had just come back from an order mission where the target somehow learned his identity. He was nearly killed Padfoot and you didn't even know about it, let alone care."

"I do care!"

"Do you?" The question was cold and combative and Sirius rose up against his friend's frigidity, desperate for him to understand, though not completely sure why.

"Of course I care, Peter's my best friend! You _all _are"

Remus smiled a little cruelly, "Well you've got a ruddy shit way of showing it mate, what with pretending like Pete doesn't exist and threatening your best friend's _wife"_

Sirius locked his jaw and turned to face Remus, cursing the tears that cruelly offered him no respite just like his friend, "Why are you doing this?"

The question was meant to come out accusing, but instead sounded broken and weak even to his own ears. If Remus noticed, he said nothing.

"Why?" Remus cocked an eyebrow, expression incredulous, "because James is trying to comfort his distraught wife who doesn't understand what she's done to get you to hate her-" Sirius winced, "and Pete's too scared of you these days to do much of _anything_ that involves you"

Sirius snorted, succumbing to the pressure to shift the focus off of himself, "Coward."

"Oh you can talk!" Remus snapped, grabbing his arm roughly, "You can't say anything against Pete you bloody coward! You can't even tell your best friend you're _jealous _of his wife!"

Sirius balked, wrenching his arm out of his best friends grasp to gape at him, "I'm not in love with James!"

Remus snorted, backing up a step, his rage palpable, "Yeah right. I'm not stupid Sirius. You'd have to be a blind moron not to notice the way you are around her."

Desperate in a way he didn't quite understand, Sirius wrenched forward and grabbed Remus by the shoulders, "You're wrong!"

"Am I?"

The question was soft but Sirius knew better than to be fooled by Remus' words by now, the truth could always be found in his eyes and his eyes were murderous with a kind of rage Sirius couldn't interpret, "Yes."

"And why is that?"

Sirius paused and licked his lips having found them suddenly dry, "I was jealous, but not in the way you think," He shuffled uncomfortably under the werewolf's burning gaze, "I love James, but like a brother. I was… used to having him all to myself and I guess I kind of resented Lily for being able to know him in a way I couldn't you know? That and taking up all his time of I guess"

Remus was searching his face now, he could feel his gaze burning into him, trying to undo him, "I am happy for him," Sirius admitted quietly, still not quite able to meet his friend's resolute stare, "him _and _Lily. I'm just…"

Sirius swallowed thickly; suddenly aware of the way he was holding his friend and dropped his arms. Embarrassed by their predicament and the way he couldn't quite ebb the tears that continued to flow silently but resolutely down his cheeks, he tried to pull away.

Before he could find an excuse to leave there was a coaxing hand behind his neck and a soothing hand on his shoulder that made him stop, "Don't shut down to me Pads," Remus murmured, something new and bright in his eyes despite their melancholy, "Won't you tell me what's wrong?"

His eyes were soft, his gaze tender now and despite himself Sirius sighed and felt himself move into the embrace at the same time Remus drew him in.

"I know." The werewolf muttered into his hair, winding his arms around him, "I know Pads."

When Remus drew back, Sirius finally met his eyes, "Everything's changing" He swallowed against the lump in his throat, blinking away tears as he fought to hold the werewolf's gaze that burned with an emotion he didn't recognise, "and sometimes I just don't know how to handle it and what to do and everyone _expects_ me to just _know _and I don't Moony! I just _don't know_-"

Moisture collected behind his eyes and before he knew what was happening he was consumed by wracking sobs and he felt his knees give way beneath him. Before he could hit the ground he felt warm arms brace him and was encompassed by his best friend's scent, the comforting aroma only increasing his violent sobbing. Soothing hands travelled up and down his back in a comforting motion as he cried. He didn't know how long he'd being crying, but when the world finally swam back into focus, the moon was high in the sky and the world around him was so quiet they could've been the last two people on Earth. The thought should have scared him more than it did, he supposed.

Sirius vaguely registered being pulled back against his friend's chest and he turned his face into Remus's neck and breathed deeply, lips skimming the area lightly as a result. Even in his somewhat sleepy post emotional haze he didn't miss Remus' sharp intake of breath or the way the werewolf's hands tightened on his back, reflexively trying to draw him closer.

For the first time that night Sirius smiled a true smile.

There were many things about Remus Lupin that Sirius didn't understand and probably never would. The werewolf was uncommonly hard to read and Sirius had never had any considerable talent in that area to begin with, but despite this the puzzle pieces began to fall into place now, years of actions and reactions slotting together to form a picture that might have surprised Sirius ten minutes ago, but didn't now.

Now, all Sirius did was burrow his head deeper into his friends neck and smile against his nape, chortling gently when the werewolf let out what could only be described as a squeak, "Sirius…" he muttered breathily, obviously trying to gauge Sirius' intentions. Or more likely, whether his intentions were _intentional._

Sirius just smiled wider, everything making so much more sense now, his irrational anger and confusion of the past couple of months fading, the battle inside of him finally assuaged by this revelation- not new in any case, but newly realised all the same. The way Remus' admonishments affected him more so than any others, the confusing reaction he had to his best friend's touch that left him both burning and empty at the same time. In some dark corner of his mind he had always known it was desire that had always fuelled it, but had never considered it was anything more than that. He hadn't considered that it was love that left the burning trail in Remus' wake when he tread purposefully across his heart and the emptiness that threatened to take hold of him after he'd departed.

Sirius supposed there was always the little matter of reciprocity to consider, but strangely he wasn't worried. In fact, he'd never been so sure of anything in his life.

He kissed the werewolf's neck lightly, deliberately and waited. The silence was thick between them with everything unsaid and Sirius continued to press his lips to his friend's neck, not moving, not even kissing- just resting.

Remus sucked in a breath that rattled through his chest like ancient clockwork and he made a distressed sound, "Sirius what _are _you doing?" Remus balked, "This isn't _right!"_

The expression of panic mingled with fear and confusion twisting on his face was almost funny except it wasn't and Sirius felt the first stirrings of doubt in his stomach.

Then he looked into his eyes…and smiled.

Remus never could hide his eyes. His words and his expressions meant nothing if his eyes betrayed their sincerity and like many times before, they did. Sirius had never been happier to catch him lying.

Cupping his scarred cheek in his hand and drawing his face down until they were only a breath apart the animagus spoke, "Liar," he breathed and before he could let the moment linger, Remus was on him.

Remus kissed him like he'd been waiting years to do it and Sirius supposed he had- they both had. They moved against each other fluidly, Sirius' arms moving upwards to encircle Remus' neck and thread a hand through his slightly greying dark gold hair, tugging on it and smiling in satisfaction when the werewolf groaned and his hands struggled to find greater purchase around his waist, hoisting his up so he was flush against his chest. They continued to kiss well into the night, never moving past the coaxing, sensual exploration of each other's mouths. They finally broke apart with one final languid kiss in which Remus opened his eyes to lock their gazes in a way which was entirely too erotic.

Pulling Sirius back against his chest once more, Sirius felt his friend sigh in contentment and nuzzle his face into his hair, "Sirius…" he breathed and the man in question could feel him smile into his hair and could do nothing to thwart the twin grin that broke out onto his face like a sunrise.

Turning his face into Remus' neck again and looking upwards so he locked gazes with him, Sirius smiled and cupped the young werewolf's cheek, hand soft and eyes reverent, "I love you, you know"

The amber eyed man searched his face carefully for any signs of deception and Sirius let him, "Do you?" he asked quietly, tone light, but beseeching.

Sirius smiled a secret smile and ran his thumb along a particularly long scar on his cheek, "Yes"

Remus' smile lit up his whole face and Sirius sighed as Remus held him tighter and dropped to kiss his head adoringly, golden eyes bright with the burning affection and love he'd been looking at him with all night and mumbled his response into his hair, "Love you too Pads"

"I know"

_End._

**AN: Just a little something that was supposed to be Remus scolding Sirius for being a dick and turned into sappy mush fluff… again. I really am hopeless at this angst stuff. I'll get there someday. Maybe. Review if you've got time, thanks guys!**


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